A blog by Jorge Garcia.

Friday, December 21, 2007


So I'm staying at my mom's. And for the last fews days I've been suffering from the nastiest sore throat I can remember. And I had a fever of a hundred and four. (I had a fever of a hundred and three as well, which works better musically, but I thought mentioning where it peaked at was more important.)
Well I'm hot blooded check it and see. I got a fever of a hundred and three.
Well I'm hot blooded check it you whore. I got a fever of a hundred and four. (Less poetic)

So I haven't been in the mood to do much of anything except sleep and not swallow. So as I have myself a little muesli (The Kahala resort has the best muesli on their buffet, I don't know how they do it. I've been trying to come up with my own homemade concoctions but none of them are up to snuff) [By the way, the origin of "up to snuff" not impressive at all. Not even worth the mention]

-pause while I go answer the doorbell-

Ok. So now as I wait for the cable guy to hook up the cable phone service, I can finally write the blog I've been waiting to write.


Mom's got bees. They are somewhere in the wall. And they all come into the living room to die. I don't know if that was their original plan but eventually that's the fate they meet. This has been a problem at mom's for a while. And she had someone over here once already who fixed the problem for a few months but the bees came back. So the window sill is always buzzing. And you have to be careful reaching under a lampshade. (I got stung last time I visited.) But it's gotten worse now.

See grandma has moved in. Which puts me on the couch in the living room. BEE CENTRAL. So far I've had to brush a bee off my leg and ear. I also got a mysterious bump on the sole of my foot, it itched like crazy. Could I have gotten stung in my sleep on the bottom of my foot? So it's hard to rest easy in a room where I keep getting totally creeped out.

I want to throw a quilted comforter into the fire place to seal it up in hope of solving the mystery of their point of entry. But mom's not into the the aesthetics of that set up. I don't know who she's planning to invite.

"Sure come on over. You're not allergic to bees are you?...Oh, no reason."


Avinash said...

Here's some advice for sleeping with bees (this is not some innuendo - just help): light a candle next to you.

Unlike some other insects, bees will stay away from fire.

maven said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well! Take care of yourself.
Gosh, sleeping wit the bees has to be so scary! No wonder your immunity went down and you got sick. Can't believe a professional bee person couldn't permanently get rid of them.

I think smoke quiets bees (beekeepers always have a smokepot going), but I don't know if they gets rid of them, and who wants a smokey house? Good luck, and...

Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. At least we have 8 episodes of LOST to look forward to!

biba_46 said...

merry xmas Jorge! Lost is comming back soon, I can't wait to see season 4!

Honeybell said...

Poor Jorge :( Feel better soon.

Perhaps you could start making honey?

ROSA said...

Ooooooo... pobreeeeeeeeeet....

Cool_Freeze said...

Ah..well in the interest of the bees...it is their resting place. LEAVE THEM BEEE! In the interest of the souls of your feet...LIGHT IT UP BAY BAY!!! Them bee's need to feel the heat. Of course they won't though if you light the fire because they will stay away.

Yeah..bee's are odd creatures..seriously...

I remember when they tried to invade my home. I had to have a special bee sleeper operative agent come and take them out.


Feliz Navidad Jorge. =]

Joe Russo said...

Sorry to hear your sick Jorge! There's nothing worse than being sick for the holidays, let alone having to deal with bees while you try to rest, -I can only imagine!

Have yourself a Merry Christmas, don't get stung, and get better soon!


Capcom said...

Hope that you feel better soon Jorge!

Don't know what to say about the bees, except to maybe temporarily set up one of those fancy bed tents that they sell at Pier 1 over the couch where you sleep.

Mele Kalikimaka! Oh that's right, you're back in the mainland. Merry Christmas!

BTW, why are you the only one with a dirty shirt on, in the new promo pix?!

@TedLannister said...

Dude you are a TROOPER for having the balls to sleep in a room that potentially contains bees.

One of my only, and worst fears.

Oh, and if you start to hate them to the point where you can't take it anymore, just remember: According to Einstein if bees disappeared from the Earth, humans would be extinct within 4 years (bees are vital to many species of plant, and in turn those plants are vital to all other life).

Who knows if that's true, but when you think about it they are pretty useful and hard-working little guys. Ever see the Bee movie?

Heather (a.k.a. Bella) said...

OK, so, first of all -- feel better. Sucks to be sick around the holidays. Second, it kind of sounds like you're living in the house from the Amityville Horror. I'm pretty sure they had a bee issue, too. Maybe your parents' house is just haunted. :)

Unknown said...

Aw man. Dodging bees while sick is just no way to spend a holiday.

On the other hand, tea with honey is great for sore throats, I hear.

Have a great holiday, Jorge! Bee good to yourself. :)

Wahhhmbulance said...

Not to sound like an idiot "fan" or anything, but it seems like a guy of your recognition and fame could easily call some top-flight pest-control guys to come out and do a more-than-adequate job, especially if you kindly remind them that it's your mom's house.

Of course it is HER house after all.

But bees man? I hate bees...

I'd have them gone somehow or another, even if I had to stay in a hotel for two days and get the place bombed!


Tiffani said...

Hm, we had a 'bees in the chimney' problem at our house last summer. If you can find their hive, wait 'til dusk (they're way less active and more apt to be in the hive) and spray an entire can of bee killer spray in there. We had to get up on the roof to do it. Hopefully you won't need to. Good luck man. That is muy no bueno. :P

Please Type Legibly said...

I accidentally ran over a hive of yellowjackets with my bike when we were living in Georgia and I got swarmed. So needless to say, I'm pretty allergic. Talk about heebeegeebees...

The ick is going around. It's been trying to get me for about five days now, but I'm still not letting it...feel better before Christmas, Jorge. Hope you have a great holiday.

Bianca said...

Merry Christmas, Jorge!

I've been enjoying reading your blog since you started it. You're a very classy guy - so many comedians work so blue they alienate their audiences, but you have such an intelligent and insightful humour that makes reading your musings very enjoyable!

Best Wishes for the New Year!

Hannah said...

To fix a sore throat you should drink Ginger root.
Peel it, cut it up then boil it like a tea. It will kill all the bacteria and take the pain away.

Good luck with the bees.


adRift said...

Maybe you have a bee swarm in your house! Or maybe not, and you can avoid the bees closing the windows! O_o hehehe
Probably your home will not smell like teen spirit but it's better that being bitten by a bee... And remember! Bees have feelings... Have you seen "Bee Movie"? Imagine what I mean... :P

I guess that 103 (or 104 if sounds you more poetic! hehehe) aren't degrees centigrade... Or you may be roast like a chicken!
Take care! ;)

Capcom said...

My apologies Jorge! I was told to look again at the larger version of your promo pic, and it does look as though there is a nice design on your shirt. In the small pic it looked like spagetti. :o)

Scoutpost said...

We had wasps in our chimney back when we lived in Houston. Solved it the same way as tiffani said- gotta spray a whole bunch of bee/wasp killer up there when they're either not active or away from the hive...and don't forget to close the fluge (sp?) or else they'll all come inside (not good).

Hope you get to feeling better ASAP. Have a Happy Holiday!

Miss Scarlett said...

"Well I'm hot blooded check it you whore. I got a fever of a hundred and four. (Less poetic)"

Less poetic maybe. Much funnier definitely!

Will Von Wizzlepig said...

BEES! I lived in a house once where my room had a little balcony, but the door didn't seal so well.

One day in the late fall while picking up laundry off the floor, I discovered three very groggy bees. Well, wasps, I think. Then they woke up. I was forced to vacuum them all up.

Much to my surprise, the very same thing happened about a year later.

darn bees.

kats said...

I used to be a regular at the living room daybed, until I got married. This is the secret - when you get married you kind of get upgraded on your mom's priority guestlist. Believe me, I'm in my second marriage - I know what I'm talking about.

Netanya Carmi said...

Doesn't muesli hurt your throat (if you already have a soar throat, I mean)?