A blog by Jorge Garcia.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Death's Doors

Welcome to Jorge's House of Death.

Sometimes geckos are at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I know this because a few door frames at this house are decorated with their skeletons.
I always found these things more fascinating than gross because their corpses were already very dry and crispy so I knew it must have happened a long time ago, before we even lived here.

Then I found this guy.
Aw man. A freshy. That means it was us.

C'mon geckos!
How many of you have to die before you realize a door is not a place to hang out?

So cleanup is going to require my favorite tool for picking up the gross.
First attempt resulted in removing just his tail.
Sorry dude.
Try again. Easy does it.
I literally had to peel it off.
There we go.
Done.

And then I threw him on the roof.

74 comments:

Lola said...

Jorge, I have been reading your blog for quite a while, and this is the grossest thing ever. (Plus I am reading while eating my lunch.) Please, no more dead critters. Thanks :o)

Henry Wasserman said...

Calling all Peta Pet lovers everywhere. Jorge you make me laugh - It's definitely a guy thing.

Jocelyn said...

I get anoles and tree frogs in my office all the time. When I find them alive, I do my best to shoo them out. There's no water or food in here, I don't know why they insist on coming inside.

I hate finding them crispy and dried up. I'd rather chase live than touch "lizard jerky."

Joan Crawford said...

Ew! The Freshies are sick but the old ones are kind of neat! Some creepy artist could set up some scenes with their skeletons. Gecko skeletons at tea time, for example.

Beena said...

Jorge's House Of Death...... ha ha ha ha ha!
I find dead lizard's from time to time here,too (I'm in Florida). Of course, I don't have a giant claw to remove them or post pics of them on my blog. Ha ha ha ha! You are too funny.

Scott said...

The gecko isn't that bad, but if you start killing ducks, cavemen, or Dennis Haysbert with you door, I think that will be a cause for concern.

Michelle said...

Ewwwwwww......Aughhhhhh!!!!!!!! Gahhhhhhhhh

Al said...

I'm not sure which is more disgusting: the tail coming off a dead gecko or a live one. EW. I tried to catch a gecko while studying abroad in Kenya and his writhing tail came off in my hand, but I believe this is more gag-worthy because you had to deal with his other smashed, squidgy bits!!

Tiffany said...

We have a discoloration on our front porch in the shape of a gecko. I assume that he was stepped on and someone's shoe carried him away. It's actually cool in a really weird way - looks like a crime scene (the outline of a body), except that it's filled in. It's been there over a year...

Gilsner said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I would not be able to handle that. Seriously. I would move. And mark down the house by a good 10 grand just so I could sell the darn thing.

Jennifer Borri said...

I'm sorry about your gecko, but I am glad I am not alone. I felt so bad when I found a flatened salamander on the side of my door. He was as flat as a pancake and I had to remove him with a putty knife. Poor guy.

Hoku said...

The same thing happens in my house. I just found a poor baby gecko smashed in the seal of my freezer door. They must like hiding in door cracks. The other hazardous door is my front door. Get about one every other month there...

I feel bad cuz they are great bug catchers! And pretty cute too! Here in Hawaii it is considered good luck to have one in the house.

Julie said...

Aww, poor little guys. I'll be sure to watch my door slamming when I come to Oahu on vacation in January!

Pirate Alice said...

I'm just wondering why you threw it up on the roof?

Angie said...

Yuck!!! We have them here in North Texas as well. :)

wharfrat said...

Don't you just love ivingin paradise? You are going to miss this place when LOST is pau.

wharfrat said...

Don't you just love ivingin paradise? You are going to miss this place when LOST is pau.

Topanga said...

Awww. I wish we had geckos here.

Occasionally I have a frog or salamander fall into the pool. They can't get out and eventually get trapped in the skimmer. On a lucky day I'm there in time to save them. Those are good days.

Rowie said...

My son loves reading your blog, but I won't show him this post... he won't even let me kill bugs in the house, let alone seeing that carnage! LOL

Marla said...

best line before i barfed...

C'mon geckos!
How many of you have to die before you realize a door is not a place to hang out?

love it.

good day. i said good day!

StumpyG said...

"A freshie." LOL

Melissa said...

Oh, that's so sad...And gross at the same time. Poor little geckos.

Melanie said...

Gah! I hate those things. They are ALL OVER down here in Louisiana. My cats love them though.

James Hernandez said...

Jorge,

I think that last guy was the Gecko from the Geico commercials. Ha he tried to enroll one too many customers!

Jennifer said...

Okay, the freshy thing made me laugh, but that is seriously gross!

Nocturnal Queen said...

lol Oh my word.

Woodeene said...

I must have ghoulish tastes because I found the skeletons intriguing. And what do people expect you to do with the "freshie?" You had to get rid of it and I thought your method was ingenious.

Goof said...

Awwwwe poor things.
:( I was in my garage one day when I turned around and stepped on one *Squish* I was so upset. We get some pretty ones around here.


((((HUGS)))) all

Anuska said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss M said...

I hate geckos. Not as in I want to kill them more as in they creep me out. They freaked me out the whole time I was in Hawaii.

Dr Mum said...

There's a treefrog in my composting toilet

Pauline said...

If more geckoes read your blog ...

Actually that would be weird...

Quiet Oasis said...

This post title should read "Not to be read if you are a woman who has morning sickness."

My poor stomach. :)

Michael McIntyre said...

Beyond sick.

Jewl said...

Gross Jorge...Just gross. Blah! LOL

mabochda said...

aawwwwwww! poor little guy :(

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I found a complete ecosketeton of a gekko out in the texas sun..sent it to my friend in virginia's little boy who can't wait to take it to show and tell as 'what happens if you stay to long in the texas sun'...gekko's aren't really very smart..

Evonne said...

Yeah, same in South Florida, Mr Garcia. But i gotta tell you, they don't bite... even after they are dead.

Pau said...

U're awesome, i like so much you blog, i reed you, good luck "Hurley" jaja

Emily said...

In college I lived in a suite that didn't get thoroughly cleaned too often..but when we finally lifted the rug in our common room there was a squished lizard underneath that had been there for who knows how long. I was sad, I would have saved it.

ezerivas said...

Jorgeeeeeeeeee "the gecko killer" :)

Hi from Argentina :D


:D

Pen2 said...

Sorry Jorge
NOT FUNNY
YUCK

Pen2

Karina said...

That's gross, i just tasted my dinner again.

roxanna said...

oh Jorge... :)

This is the funniest thing I've read all day!

:D

Amy said...

We occasionaly find dead lizards in our dogs water. My 4 year old is always trying to fish them out! YUCK!!! Yes, we do clean out the dog's bowl after we get the dead lizards out.

RHulsey said...

Oh that is a bummer. I found a baby gecko in my washing machine, after the wash cycle. Poor little guy never had a chance.

N said...

AUGHHH!

Natalie said...

lol I had the same problem when I stayed in Mexico! There was one stuck to the wall the entire time I visited

Dreamybee said...

You know, if you'd left it there, the ants would have had it cleaned up in about a day. :)

Jenea said...

Yoohooo!!! I am fifty!!!
Now, geckos life, depends on your doors. If you see - like one geckos trying open the door, please help him!!!

Sonja said...

This has been one of the funnier blogs of yours that I have read. With the 'Sorry Dude' and 'Then I just threw him on the roof.' It would have made some good fertalizer for those veges of yours!

Michele said...

He looks so hopeful clinging to the door. They must not be very smart. I would think they could feel the door start to swing and jump out of the way.

newsjunkie said...

When I visited a friend in Hawaii a few years ago I spent many sleepless nights listening to these little guys chirping on the ceiling. I never thought about going on a door-slamming rampage though. :)

Great stuff, as always. Thanks Jorge!

Movie Star Wife said...

Poor little geckos, but your commentary is hilarious.

Boyhowdy said...

Sadly, the geckocide rate in Hawaii is higher than anywhere else in the country. Personally, I like the little guys because, as Hoku mentioned, they feed on pests. Though, geckos do tend to drop their grain-sized grumpies wherever they please...kinda gross.

Dear Diane said...

Your story makes me miss Hawaii so much. It's kinda Forest Gumpish, you never know what your going to get. Jorge got a tailie!! A partial, no he got the whole thing! Have you done a story on the massive cockroach's. I used to walk with my friends from the beach to Kuhio Ave. to catch the bus and we would see how many we could step on on the way. Disgusting bugs!! Your cracking me up Jorge.

Kashmir said...

I have anoles, geckos, skinks and tree frogs all around my house. We escort them out when we find them alive. I can only assume one of the dogs takes care of any unfortunates that happen to go to the Big Front Porch In The Sky whilst in the house.

Heck, we even escort spiders outside when at all feasible. I hate killing things unless completely necessary.

Yalda A said...

Hey Jorge that skeleton looks like a tiny dinosaur doesn't it? hahahaha you're grrrreat!!!

D. said...

When we lived in military housing there, I found two geckos who had been long gone in the doorways--fully painted over!! I love the dear little guys and had one sit near our heads by the window and chirp at us every night. Here it's the cicadas keeping us company--of which you've had your experience with them already. :)

Anne said...

Have the same problem with the gecks in Texas. Have to count heads and shoo them off of the doors when we open them. Had to amputate a frogs leg once who got too close. "Tripod" hung around for two summers and forgave us to the point of eating mealy worms out of my hand.
Love your posts. I like comparing the places we've both been. Which do you think more beautiful? Hawaii or Ireland?
How much weight have you lost? I almost didn't recognize you in the latest posts!

Saudaris said...

Hola Jorge!!! perdón por escribir aquí pero quería comentarte que en Argentina un periodista publicó los supuestos números de Lost en una nota sobre tí, diciendo que los mismos eran "13 5 9 20 12 7"

Realmente terribleeee!!!!!


Genial tu blog!!!!

moon said...

I gotta get me a grabby thing on a stick.

Dolphin Boy said...

Dude....u r so wrong....

steve_baron said...

YaH! #63!!...you're never going to read this...i've posted here before...but not for awhile...the last post of yours I read was someone pullin a "DuKe" in someone's toilet tank...I miss your humor, DuDe.

I was reading "Lost ate my life." ...so I have been over at the Fuselage, lately. Do you ever still post over there?

Elizardbeth said...

How wrong is it that I laughed, then called my husband over so we could laugh some more? Our take: Dude, what about when it rains? Little lizard carcasses. Don't throw it on your roof, man.

Sundeep said...

So, I don't get something. The previous homeowners didn't bother cleaning up their geckos and just left them to rot?

No respect.

dcantrell said...

They just wanted you to know how much you could be saving on your car insurance.

If you have a lot of geckos, you might also have a lot of cockroaches. I like when I see geckos in the condo because they are taking care of the roaches. On the other hand, I'd prefer to see neither.

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Leonard said...

If it dies, blame it on John Locke.

Corvus said...

The last time I lived somewhere with copious geckos, my cats liked to leave little gecko-bits on my morning trail from bed to bathroom. Nothing like squishy bits between your toes for a wake-up call.

I always hated it when I'd be taking a bath and they'd run across the ceiling, and the heat or something would get to them and they'd fall in. Yeah. That sucked.

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Lana said...

I mean... I love gecko creatures... but killing them? Oh no.... :(

SRB said...

I love this post.
In my appt in brooklyn we get huge cockroaches, and my impulse, whenever I see something scurry across the room is to STOMP IT! Then on a recent trip to Florida I almost stomped a cute little gecko and felt so bad.
Something about the dried out little bodies in your photos just makes me laugh.
xo-a big fan of yours. =D