Mr. Cab Driver in San Jose.
I'm sorry my tabouleh leaked from the bag onto the back seat of your cab. Especially after you were so nice to take a detour and wait for us as we ordered our gyros to go. I really should have tipped you extra or something, after my girlfriend noticed it, to help ease the pain and dismay, but I didn't have smaller bills. (How was I supposed to know that the ATM was only going to give me fifties?) And I'm sorry I was too embarassed about it to even look back at you after I got out of the car because I knew I was leaving you with a dirty car.
And here you thought I was a nice guy because you overheard me cancelling the taxi I ordered because we jumped into yours. I'm not. I'm a jerk who messes cabs and stiffs the drivers.
So in case you run into me again. I owe you a beer.