A blog by Jorge Garcia.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Price of Gas

I don't know why but passing gas and not passing gas has been the subject of numerous conversations I've been having.
(See what happens when you go away for a while and you keep thinking, "You have to get back to the blog." You write about this.)

I found myself around someone with uncontrollable gas. Who's greatest comment was "I'm Vladimir POOT-in!"

This got me to thinking what goes on in the mind when you decide to fart in front of someone close. Like let's say your significant other. When did you make the decision to do it? Did you find yourself in a situation where you had no choice. Like something "escaped" and there was no one else to blame at the moment.

Or was there more thought behind it. You know what it's time to cut bait right here. I think I can do it without consequences. I have one in the chamber and it doesn't seem like a doozy. I haven't been eating exotic food. It's time to find out if this person loves me...

"Honey, pull my finger."

Or in my case. It happened in my sleep so I broke the ice without the shame because what could I do about it?

Sorry. It was either this or another week of nothing.

28 comments:

airlie said...

For chicks - it is the embarrasment of the sex fart which always brings about our demise. There is a certain position - ahem - which promotes fanny flatulence (oops - i think that means arse in sepo land - i meant front flatulence) - it is a doozy to be porking the king of stud muffins and then - poof!
How embarrassment!

Pam said...

Wow - we're going HERE, huh? Don't know if I've "known" you that long, but okay....

Bottom line (pun intended): I'm a girl. I'd rather die than fart in front of someone I don't know really, REALLY well. But life happens. And when it does, there's nothing to do but laugh it off, which is what I did. Yup, that was me. Sorry!

Eris said...

hahahaha!! so funny!! Of course it has happened to me! both parts, farting and.. well, the other :P haha! and as you say, if you're slept, well.. nothing you can do about it..

Melissa McEwan said...

One guy I dated farted on my leg the day we met.

"Did you just fart on me?"

"Yep." Totally unapologetic.

"You know this means I'm totally going to fart in front of you from now on, right?"

"Yep."

We'll be married six years this June.

Capcom said...

"One in the chamber"....you KILL me Jorge!! :-D

Colleen said...

I will never forget the first time my husband heard me fart. It was a look of total amusement and love...and then the stinky "EEWWWW" face. We have never looked back. Its so nice to not have stomach cramps all the time!!!

Dawn said...

LMAO!!! When I read:

It's time to find out if this person loves me...
"Honey, pull my finger."

I literally laughed out loud. I had to call my husband in here to read the entire blog post. I think it was a gradual comfort level thing with us. First you accidentally let a little something slip. *major embarrassment* It happens accidentally again. *less embarassing* Eventually you just get to where it's not that big a deal. I still blame it on the cats, if they are in the room though and my husband just laughs and rolls his eyes.

Gleydson said...

Hehehehehehe... The first one escaped... The 2nd, kinda... 3rd too... Then you just ask to pull the finger anyway because she hadn't believed it "escaped" again! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hugs man!

john (not lennon) said...

Jorge

if you have the time, and have never seen it, you should check out the BBC's comedy series "Coupling"

I think you'd dig it :D

Tanya said...

Oh my side hurts!!!

This so reminds me of my husband..
I swear to god the man farts more in his sleep in one night than I fart in a whole week! Makes me wonder how he as anything left during the day to dish out, but I assure you he has plenty.. and to think it all started when I said "It's really ok if you fart in front of me, honey. I don't mind." Oh god , what was I thinking?!?!?!

Heather said...

Hahaha. So, I recently ended a four-year-relationship with a guy who was pretty much the best farter ever. I think it was an art form, for him.

Anyway, the first time I ever farted in front of him we'd been together for maybe six months; he had just gotten out of bed to use the bathroom and I couldn't help it -- I let one rip. He turned around, shocked, and I pulled the blanket up to my chin and cried, "I'm so embarrassed!" He started cracking up (like, tears in his eyes), and thought my reaction was so cute that he got abandoned his trip to the bathroom and got right back into bed.

Jenn said...

I don't know exactly how it happens, but once it does things will never be the same.

Bianca said...

my husband told me years after we married that one of the first things that amused and slightly surprised him was about a few months after we started dating I was talking with him in the hallway at his home and he was following me and I ducked into the bathroom, sat down and did a pee without flinching in our conversation. He found that refreshing since he came from a very "anal" family (pun intended) in that respect. My own family would line up naked yelling at each other to hurry up and get out of the shower already so I always felt comfortable around people I was related to or intimate with.

Gets strange though when I go home to visit now that my sister & I are in our late 20s and Mum & Dad are in their 50s...


Hahahaha I kid, I kid!...

Truly though with my husband that set the stage for us being unashamed around each other - I have once helped him put cream on his hemmorhoids and he helped me shave my legs all throughout my pregnancy and I can't understand married people who can't fart or burp around each other - I mean your spouse is supposed to be the person you are most intimate with in the world. But in saying that, I do yell at him to leave the room if one single bad fart turns into a series of real foul cabbage-smelling ones and he's gassing me out - and also he gets in trouble if he does a "dutch oven" (where you fart under covers then let it bake under there for a little while)...

Love = Being able to fart in your own home and making the people you love suffer it

Bianca said...

wow - that was the longest comment i've ever posted - all about farting... thanks, jorge...

Deneph said...

You are just the cutest thing ever!
Soon after the husband and I moved in together, what we refer to as "The night of terror!" occured. I don't know what I ate, but the reaction was bad, so bad that I had to call in sick to work the next day. When he didn't leave me, I knew it must be love! That was pretty much the ice breaker.

Butterfly said...

Well I now live with my boyfriend but there is that thing we do when we go out on dates where you hold it in and hold it in and as soon as you say good night and get in the door its explosion of relief lol.

But then comes the time to move in and OMG how bloated and uncomfortable.. gotta go for a walk or run to the girls room ect...

I was embarrassed because he left the room and I thought I was safe and ripped a nasty smelling one as he came back..he leaned in to kiss me and well I'm sure he had an ucky look on his face my eyes were closed in embarrassement so I didn't see..

But he is the one that started ripping them..saying excuse me..when he saw I wasn't thinking he was an awful person he didn't feel so embarrassed and when that happened I didn't feel so self concious either but still I like being a girly girl and it's never easy lol but it sure beats feeling bloated LOL :P

Dana said...

Jorge, I think it was your security system protecting you in your sleep. * spoiler * could this be the true identity of the smoke monster?

Catrusqui, Horacio said...

haha, you are funny man... 100% attitude

mary therese said...

Ciao Jorge,
Loved your blog....and I have to say you remind me enormously of my brother. He's in Chicago, and I'm writing in Rome, Italy, where I'm an expat of 25 years hooked on watching your character.
Now that you're freezing yourself silly in Milwaukee, you can't be there without seeing Chicago!It's just an hour and a half away and is one city that rocks.....I suggest going to the top of the Hancock to see the view. I was just back for Christmas and am homesick now, I envy you there in the Midwest!Keep warm and keep up the blog,love your view on life, wish I could meet you as a real person and the blog just makes you all the more real for people who will never have that chance. Love your spirit, Jorge, life is a lot more fun with you in it! Warm hugs, Mary in Rome

GoldenGait said...

You wouldn't believe how many people think it's acceptable to fart while at the doctor. Yes, we deal with the human body, and yes, we understand the physiology behind gas, but for pity's sake, when you're lying on the table and we're at your feet, hold it. Please. It's still rude. And from that position you're effectively aiming at us. ;-)

L.Lo said...

Hmm see I dont think pumping/trumping/farting/letting off etc etc etc is that much of a biggie!

i constantly pump. i have like a spastic colon or something haha! i was the first to fart in my relationship, my boyfriend never would, i was probably drunk or had had a massive curry and couldnt hold it, and ever since Mr prudish farter himself lets one go every once in a while! i feel proud :P

bullet with butterfly wings said...

XD

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