It was a Christmas miracle

So it's Christmas night. And I have a prime rib roast in oven. And it's sporting a beautiful crust. We're setting the table and making the last preparations when I discover that we have no horseradish. I can't have Christmas prime rib without horseradish right?

So I put on my jacket and get in the car and start driving.

It's like 6pm. Where am I going to find horseradish on Christmas day at this hour? Hell, what's even open at this hour? I drive by Stater Brothers. Closed. Not only are they closed but they put their carts in front of their doors on the inside. They are secure.

Keep driving Ralphs is closed. Ooo! CVS is open. What are the chances CVS has horseradish? The chances are zero. Zero chances they have horseradish. But so as not to waste the trip I bought batteries, because I knew they'd come in handy when we start playing Electronic Banking Monopoly WHICH IS AWESOME! I'd call it a Christmas present but I bought it for me.

I'm about to give up when I noticed cars parked at the far end of a parking lot. People getting out and walking into BAKER'S SQUARE?! Baker's Square is open on Christmas. And in case I'm second guessing myself I can see the Santa painted on the window telling me that they're open. Well a last resort is a last resort.

"Hi this is kind of a strange request, do you guys have horseradish? Would it be possible to get a few sides of horseradish to go? No no meat. No drink. Just horseradish."

"Uh let me see, I don't even know how much I'd charge for that."

"Money is no object sir. I need it to save Christmas."

Sure enough. A couple of minutes and three bucks later I'm walking out with frozen yogurt cup's worth of horse radish.

I don't think the guy recognized me. But I'd love it if they told the story when Hurley came in on Christmas and only ordered horse radish. Eventually as the story got passed down it would get distorted from the truth till it got to the point where I actually sat down at the counter and just started scooping straight horse radish into my mouth.

Either way, Christmas was saved.

Merry Christmas

Hey everybody. I wanted to show you guys my favorite ornament hung on mom's tree.
It's this snowman that appears to have hung himself.

Poor Frost. Just couldn't hack all of the holiday pressure.

And my best gift:

It's a Chihuahua cookie/doggie biscuit jar. It also came with a matching serving dish.

Merry Christmas.

Frosty the Snow-Thug

So last night I started thinking about that Frosty the Snowman song.

What was with the broomstick? Now they often show him with a broom in his hand. But the song says broomstick. That makes think of Sonny Corleone walking around with that stick in his hand when he goes to kick the crap out the guy who hit his sister.
So now i get images of Frosty going around town knocking stuff around and breaking windows what not. Just wreaking havoc all over the neighborhood.



Frosty? Kind of a dick!

MOM! CAN I KEEP 'IM?!

Cleaning stuff at Mom's

So we're cleaning stuff out of the garage and dropping off old items to the goodwill. One thing I had to talk my mom out of was this high chair. It was mine and my sister's.

That's right I sat here once. Once.

I was like "Why do you want to keep it?" "Who do you think is going to use it?" "Why not pass it along to someone who will put it to good use?" Eventually she agreed.

Another cool item was this bowl.

It's claim to fame in my life? I peed in it. When my dad bought this bowl we were in the car and I had to take a leak. So what could I do? My dad told me to pee in the bowl. So that's the pee bowl. This is all according to my mom. I don't actually remember urinating into this bowl.

Funny you'd think I'd remember something like that. And since it happened six months ago.

CELLULITIS?!

Well I'd like to thank you all for scaring me into thinking I have cellulitis?

But I looked up the treatment for cellulitis. And the treatment is an antibiotic which I am already taking for my sore throat.

So I'm pretty sure the odds are against.

(But I do think I got an extra dose of poison from the sting because I "pinched" the stinger out.)

BEEvenge (Or Vengeance will BEE ours)

Well it's been two days and ther is definitely a reduction in Bees. This definitely goes to show...
GOSH! LOOK AT MY HAND!!!!!!



It's so puffy. Here I'll put up a flipped picture of the opposite hand for comparison.

Puffier right?
Oh no. And here with Christmas around the corner. How will I ever fit my mittens on this hand.
4Q Bees! 4Q!