Move over spiders, now there's something SCARIER

So I'm watching the Daily Show (as per usual).

And in his opening Jon Stewart makes a reference to something called an "upper decker."

I had no idea what it was. But it did get a laugh, so I went to the trusty internet and found (careful not for the faint of heart) this.

I had no idea this existed. I am so shocked. The thought that someone would do that, is going to keep me awake at night. 

"Weapon of terror" is right. 

And to think you sometimes hear that if there is ever an earthquake, it's safe to drink the water from the tank. 

I don't know what's worse the fact that they went there, or the fact that hiding the used toilet paper is part of it.

Now I have to figure out how to First Alert my toilet.

Have to pause to show you this:

My Arm!!!!

Don't worry it just LOOKS like I have a nub.  

Speaking of Gas...

I'm so proud.
This is the gas gauge on my rental. The reason I'm so happy about it is, I prepaid the gas. 

Pre-paying is like a gamble you take against the rental car company that you'll drive enough to empty the tank. Usually they win, with a quarter of the tank still unused. But this time I pulled in on only fumes. 

However I did ask a friend of mine to follow me there in case the car didn't make it. 

Man you guys like farts!

I just came back to my blog and noticed I had 90 comments on the last one. You must really like farts. Thanks for the kind words fart lovers.

Ew! Who farted?

You know who lady. Don't act like you don't.

Allow me to move this over...

 So you can better check out my bulge. 

Great ad Ralph.

 I'm also impressed with how you got the sun to shine on it so strategically too.

Man I got pissed... for a second.

I was looking at stuff that came up on  my google alerts and I found this.

When I got to number three, I noticed the ad right next to the Hurley-related mystery, was for $1 Sausage McGriddles. 

I got pissed. But then I reloaded the page and I got something else in the ad window. So I cooled off. 

Which is good. Otherwise this blog entry would have been called, "Is it me or is this person being a dick?"

You Ever Get The Sneaking Suspicion

You're being watched. By a naked bird?

My Parents Can Only Eat This Bread When I Visit

Because I'm the only one with strength enough to slice it. I tried to see if the electric knife could cut through it. Even that was no match for this loaf. It's a shame there is no room in their kitchen for a band saw. 

I've been wormin'

So in my efforts to be greener I started composting. I bought a bin and bunch of these guys.

It's fun and gross at the same time. See, I fill the tray with a bunch of food scraps. 

I really packed it on this time because I was heading to my parents' house for ten days. 

(Boy I hope the worms like cheese popcorn.)

Then I cover it all with paper from my shredder. 

This is how I recycle my old scripts and fan mail. So if you want to know what's coming up in LOST, you might want to ask the worms. 

I also cover it with newspaper sometimes. 

I'm always looking for stuff to feed the worms, because they're not the only ones eating there. There are other stragglers who have shown up in the bin as well. 

Sometimes I pick these guys out. But one time I did, and then I saw the dog chewing on something outside. Not sure what it was, but she has been know to try to eat cat poop so why NOT stinky worms? 

If I Ever have Nunu Stuffed...

I think I'd want her to be in this position.

By the way, Nunu is a little dog. So she's never gonna "doo" what the big dogs can. But I have to say, today, in terms of volume, was a personal best.

Double Feature

Today I went to two movies. 

I saw Marley and Me. 

This movie kinda messed me up. I wasn't expecting to cry for the entire last half hour. My favorite part was in the commercial. It's where the puppy eats kibble while he's sprawled out on the kitchen floor. By the way, the clip is longer in the commercial.

And The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. 

Now I like this movie, but I have one problem with it. Benjamin starts the movie as an old baby. And grows younger and younger until he (SPOILER ALERT!) dies as a young baby. Do you see what's wrong here? If he was the size of a baby (only old) when he was born. Then technically he should be the size of a man only... baby-ish when he is near death. Right? So he should really look like the kids at www.manbabies.com.

I did it myself

This past Christmas I baked and glazed the sugar cookies myself.

Okay let's try one where I don't look creepy.

That's better.

Ok this might be a funny story

I was having lunch with a friend at the Farmer's Market in Los Angeles. 

And as we were wrapping up a couple people came up to me and asked if I would take a picture with them. 

I did. 

And then as we were getting up to leave, a man came out from one of the pastry counters and asked me, 

"Excuse me sir? Are you from Harry Potter?"

This dog's hilarious

Having a dog that is both blind and deaf can lead to some entertaining situations.

Take this section of my parents' backyard. 

Looks harmless. Until the dog thought he could walk through here to get back inside the house. 

As he'd step on the yellow basin, it would tilt up and thus tighten the space through which the dog was trying to pass. 

This "magic" would totally freak out the dog. Like something was grabbing him.

(Note the stressed look on the dog and the drops of sweat.)

He tried this for a little while before giving up and finding another way around. 

...

...

I guess you should have been there.

...

...

P.S. Dog's can't sweat.

Dear Fans,

You know I appreciate you.

And I couldn't possibly expect you to have seen everything I've been in. In fact some things I'd rather you not see.

But if you're going to lie about it, know what you are talking about.

"I was very impressed with you in all those films: Fanboys, Deck the halls..."

-Yeah I wasn't in Fanboys. I was scheduled to do it, but with the rain we had during the shooting of Season two of Lost, I couldn't get out of production to go shoot it.

"I also think you are great in Lost, Becker, and Seymour's Last Rule, just to name a few."

-So close. But you had to add Seymour's Last Rule, a movie that although I have attached myself to it, has yet to go into production. 

You don't have to convince me that you're a fan. The fact that you wrote me is enough. I'll send everyone an autograph, from the people who send me long letters to the guy who writes, "please send me a picture" on a torn half sheet of paper. (No joke.)

The back one tells me it's a boy, but the front one?

Is this a miniature cow?

No it' my mom's cocker spaniel.

He's blind and deaf which can sometimes lead to moments of entertainment. 

(More on that later)

But he's a little gross to pet because he has some fatty tumor on his chest. 

But what can you do, he's old. Gotta love 'im.

Symphony

So I narrated Peter and the Wolf for the Honolulu Symphony.

It was a lot of fun. 

I had my own parking space.

Not to be confused with this one. 

This is where Andreas Delfs parks. 

He was the conductor. Really nice guy.

I also had a dressing room. 

And when I went to the closet, I found my jacket and pants with an added item. 

Is this something that the stylist wants me to wear. 

How do I wear it? 

My buddy Matt tried to help me out.

Hmm...

I don't think I can pull this off. 

So I went without. 

Why did I take a picture of this utility truck?

Well it had a particularly interesting bumper sticker.

Now why would the electric company want me to know this?

I feel it might have something to do with that picture between the "your" and "baby." What is that? A bottle of bleach? I don't understand.

I mean I get not abandoning your baby. I just don't get the context. 

oh great

a picture of me holding a burger.

awesome. thanks a lot guys.

Dharma Bear Initiative sent us Bears.

So the first thing I did was put mine to work.

Then he rested on the hammock.

Then I sicked the dog on them .

It's good to be home

Next year dude. It's going to be awesome!

I flew in from LA yesterday.

In front of me in line at the checkout, was a guy flying to Hilo. And as part of his checked luggage, he had a 5 foot box with a pre-lit artificial Christmas Tree in it. 

I thought, "that's a little late."

I hope he's not going to put that up as soon as he got home. 

Leave it in the box dude. I know you got a good deal and it's really tempting when people haven't taken their trees down yet. But you must be patient.

I get it; it's hard to get things in Hawaii some times.

I myself am checking a box with a garden composter in it. 

And I'm bringing this back. 

With all of the rain we've been having, the mosquitoes are on the attack. 

So now we have a princess bed.

P.S. Beth's giving me a hard time about the "next year" technically December 2009 would be THIS year. Fine you're right, are you happy? It's still a year away.